today my participants are having a gathering at KLCC. i am suppose to go but i don’t plan to go because i need to study. have been slacking alot lately. studies always comes first and i think i enjoyed alot already. time to concentrate.

i have been thinking ALOT. whether to return to this heavenly place or not. whenever i return, it was never heavenly. it was always so dreadful. but it’s addictive. that’s the problem. so i vowed a few times not to return but in the end i would end up there suffering again! promises are always made to be broken. how true! and i wasn’t a good CA either. but i was embarrased to admit it XD but my participants were cool enough to say that i did well. but how can they compare because it is their first time there… but anyhow, i learn what to do and what not to do next time. good enough to recorrect my mistakes. i am planning to go for CAC this time. more work but i think i would prefer that than being put aside most of the time. and i will struggle alot but i enjoy struggling! what don’t kill you, makes you stronger! that is exactly what i am doing. and i want to try handling young kids too. not to say they would be easier to handle but at least it is very obvious that i am older than them. haha. i think char will be going for YAC again. so cool we get to split again. it is the only place we split happily, because being together in OB will limit our performance. but i believe there will be no year tougher than my first year… it was mentally tough.

being in OBS was never a happy thing but it was memorable. without it, i wont be talking to guys, having more confidence in my self and knowing some basic living skills. because of it, i am no longer afraid of the dark and i get to enjoy the nature! conquering my fears and learning new things at one place is just too addictive! i used to think that i can never kayak solo but i did it in the end. with the big waves and strong current, me handling them alone. all i can feel was saticfaction. and the best part was, i wasn’t afraid at that time! it was all in the mind… no matter how petite i was. but no doubt, being trapped in this petite body is quite stressful especially when i like doing sports. people don’t have the trust in this little body of mine. my body is limiting me from doing what i want. that’s the sad case.